Happening tonight at Deja Vu Showgirls in Las Vegas is the 12th Annual Miss Exotic Dancer United States Pageant. The pageant is put on every year by World Pageants, a company that apparently has no website…because why would anyone want information about the contest…and what the fuck is this, “Internet” thing you keep talking about anyway?
Lack of information-age savvy aside, however, the MEDUSP (the official acronym that we made up off the top of our heads just now,) grants a fairly highly regarded title each year to, “the industry’s most elite newcomers.” The boys over at the
Bullshit Detection Intelligence Analysis section here at RawkMode are a little unclear on that verbiage though, since it seems like there isn’t anything preventing someone from reentering once they’ve already participated.
The pageant is a two-stage arrangement, featuring state-level contests that are set up in various clubs with the assistance of the people over at World Pageants who communicate contest standards, entry prerequisites, judging criteria, marketing verbiage and material, and anything else you might need to run a stripper beauty pageant using a sophisticated system that includes two tin cans and a length of string, signal fires, carrier pigeons and prayer (sorry, I’m still harping on the website thing…it’s like some kind of no internet connection monkey on my back…I’ll stop now, I promise.)
Due to the fact that the MEDUSP has no available online presence or marketing that I can locate…other than this somewhat skimpy-ass event page on Facebook…I am forced to use a picture of Lupe Fuentes’ ass to represent the goings on at what should be a fun, and visually interesting live adult experience. This is what that looks like:
So, anyway, clubs around the country run state-level contests over the course of multiple-day contest series. Sometimes several clubs may run these feeder contests, facilitating a need for a state run-off contest that determines the ultimate winner and runners-up who will represent that state. Then, each August in conjunction with the Exotic Dancer Magazine Gentlemen’s Club Expo, all of the state winners (and runners-up) travel to Las Vegas for a final showdown in which one contestant will be crowned Miss Exotic Dancer of the United States.
And that’s a damn swanky title, if you ask me. It’s kind of like being the Surgeon General or Poet Laureate of fake tits, glitter and 8-inch platform heels.
The contest happens tonight, as previously mentioned, over at the Vu in Las Vegas. I would list the address for you but really all you have to do is get in a cab and say, “Take me to the Vu.” Then the Sri Lankan driver will be like, “Oh, you don’t want to go there…Sapphire is much better,” and you say, “No, dude…take me to Deja Vu,” and he says, “Why even go to a club? Don’t you know that its just a rip-off? I get you girls to come to the room? How about that?” and you’re like, “Hey dick, take me to the fucking Vu already, ok?” and then he says, “Coke? what about coke? Strippers like this, you know? Here take my card….”
So you’ll get to the club all irritated…but you’ll take the card anyway, because you never know when you might need some skanky victim of international sex-trafficking to show up at your hotel room for the potential coke and blow job after party. Hypothetically, I mean. Nobody who reads this blog would ever do that kind of thing, because that would be just…gross…right? Ahem….
Yeah, so go check out the contest tonight if you’re in the area. The girls from the pageant will be hanging out all week at the Expo trade show, official after parties and at the awards show on Wednesday. We’ll talk more about the Expo itself tomorrow, if I’m feeling pissy enough….(as if I won’t be.)
Have a good time, watch out for each other, and if, at some point, one of your friends decides that pawning their wedding ring for gambling money is a good idea…then be a good friend and help them find the pawn shop.